Qualtrics 'Opportunity'

Early this afternoon I received an email out of the blue from a Qualtrics recruiter. This came as a surprise to me, not only because it was unsolicited, but because the last time I interacted with Qualtrics their smarmy cuss of a recruiter wouldn’t even look at my resume because I hadn’t taken a very specific computer science class. It’s also very uncommon for me to get hit up by recruiters, since I’m not that big of a deal, and I also don’t have a linkedIn profile. Keeping with the company’s apparent love for the “brogramming” culture, the email was equal parts hysterical, sad, and insulting. Going against my better judgment, I decided to post the full content of the email with comments explaining how I felt about it.

Hi David,

A colleague of mine passed your resume to me today as she thought that you could be a great fit for an available position here at Qualtrics,

O rly? I have absolutely no idea how this recruiter obtained my resume, but I sort of doubt the story. It’s interesting that the person who gave the recruiter my resume is a female. I know perhaps one or two women who are employed at Qualtrics, so I guess the story is plausible.

recently dubbed the “most important pre-IPO software company of its time.”

Okay. Source please? Also, why would anybody even give a single crap about this? What does this even mean? To me, the only thing this little jab does is solidify my impression of the over-inflated culture Qualtrics is known for.

The Phone Operations position allows individuals to work part-time (or full-time during the summer months) while going to school at BYU.

Hold up. Phone…. operations? Does that mean tech support? As in a call center? I’m not above anything, but if this recruiter actually had my resume, they would know I’m not currently in the tech support sector. Also why does everyone have to fluff up their job titles? If it’s tech support, call it tech support.

You will have the opportunity to interact with clients and prospective employees and provide them with an incredible first experience when they call into the company.

Golly gee whiz! Interact with clients and prospective employees? Again, what does this actually mean? At this point it almost sounds like more of a receptionist position. If it’s tech support, why would I be talking to “prospective employees”? What an opportunity!

Many individuals are offered a full-time, salary position at Qualtrics after their graduation. We have had Phone Operations employees accept full-time salary positions on our Software Engineering team, our Product Specialist team, and our Sales Development team.

Shouldn’t that be “salaried position”? I guess maybe the recruiter knows that I’m not in the tech support sector, so they hope I’ll enter it on the promise that maybe someday (presumably after I take a specific computer science course) I will be able to “move on” to a real job. But if I’m already in software engineering, wouldn’t that be like taking one step backwards to take one step forward?

To learn more about what our company has to offer, be sure visit the links below:

See what it’s like to work at Qualtrics with an ‘MTV Cribs’ style office tour with our CEO

A startup to bet your career on

A sample of some of our clients

This is the cream of the crop. Why anyone would film anything ever in the style of ‘MTV Cribs’, I can never know. Wasn’t that like not even popular while it was on? But I mean I just have to watch it, right? I should note that this video is not public. Is it unethical for me to share it? Why wouldn’t Qualtrics want this to be public? I supposed if someone really wanted to see it, they wouldn’t have to try very hard, since they throw it around in unsolicited emails. Here we go:

So… seems cool, bro? The only thing I’ll particularly point out is how enthusiastic the CEO is about the Coke Freestyle soda machines. I hate those.

If this position sounds at all interesting to you, please apply directly on our website via this link.

It’s not, thanks anyways!

Please let me know if you have any questions. I hope to hear from you soon!

You won’t. I have so many questions though. First of all, how’s it going for you? How many emails did your manager make you send out today? Getting any good responses? Are you ready to move into the “Phone Operations” department to get away from the insanity of cold emailing people links to your company’s MTV Cribs video? You know, lots of people accept full time positions in software engineering eventually, so it’s not like you’ll be there forever. Do you like overhearing every phone call your coworkers make? How’s that Coke Freestyle machine treating you? I’ll bet that pomegranate Fanta is just incredible. Are those sick 14” wheels on the golf carts just the coolest thing ever?

On second thought, maybe I will respond to the offer: Please remove my information from any databases you have access to.